Well where to start….today is my birthday and I am (well I am not going to tell you that as i am way to old now not sure I can count that high and I defo cant subtract the year from the year of my birth anymore) I am working today and I offered to do a double shift as a colleague has a daughter who was 4 today….I couldn’t see a problem as I would not get to see my daughters so i had nothing planned for today… 

    Then last evening my eldest called me to say that she wanted to come round after school to see me and brink me a birthday cake so that we could share…Now as I had offered to do the double shift i had to tell her I would not be there today….She was upset but not too much but this has left me feeling terrible, it was such a nice thought on her behalf and it would have made the day so special… But i have had to decline and as I write this I feel the tears welling behind my eyes….It would have been so nice to have spent a few hours with her on my birthday especially as it’s a school night and i only get to see her some weekends… 

  So what happens next time its my birthday….probably the same thing as i am too soft to say no to anyone, so when asked to do a double shift again I will do it…I will feel shattered the next day and i will miss out on time with my daughter…..Will I ever learn and will I ever toughen up…I very much doubt it…. 

  The other thing at work is i am still struggling with the change…For 13 years i worked nights for 5 nights a week and was very happy doing the work and getting paid. Then there was a change and i was offered the redundancy or a job on days….The company wanted me to take the days option and I felt I didn’t want the R word just yet as my age wasn’t right so i opted to days… 

   Last Tuesday i started on Days and what a shock this was to the system, I survived the first week i start at 6.30 and finish at 3.30 so am home nice and early….The hours are shorter than nights but on Wednesday I was so tired I was falling asleep at my desk by 8 in the morning and was home in bed by 7.30 on Wednesday evening and felt so much better on Thursday…Even last night i had problems sleeping so only managed a couple of hours and today’s double means only a few hours sleep tonight…Fingers crossed this does not last too long as it’s now half eleven and i could quiet happily have a kip… 

Thank you for reading…….

Advertisements