New Years Resolutions……My plan for 2011……

 

That’s it and at last 2010 is done with…..won’t lie it’s been a crap year and the 3rd year on my own but the worst by far…..constant battles with people i don’t want to battle  with, had to stop working nights and ended on days which ended in evening, body clock is so messed up I don’t know if I am coming or going sleep wise…..Sleep has vanished, don’t eat, get hassle from the ex and from people at work, but I guess if you follow me on twitter or read my blogs you  will get the picture already.

So 2011 a new year, very excited as this is going to be a great year for me, I have decided and I so want it to be a good year I am going to do what I can to ensure it is…..first piece of good news happened on Monday at work when a friend invited me to hers to play the WII on New Year’s Eve with some of  her friends……not really played the WII or games for that matter but so excited about going out and so looking forward to it…..

A while back on twitter a friend suggested that I should start doing some  me  time, wasn’t sure but I did in the end and the first me time was a haircut at the beginning of December and it was a complete failure the usual lady wasn’t there and  instead of going home I had someone else do it and it’s still a mess…..Second me time was going to see Billy Bragg when I was very ill, begged the doctors to let me go was in hospital and they agreed and it was an amazing night, I loved every second and it did me so much good…. and another twitter friend suggested that I make a list of things I want to do…..I did this and I have now fiddled and changed a few things and this is now my list for 2011……I have added and crossed off a few things……

So next year I am going to go with the flow, and every time I get a setback it will be for a reason and this is a positive thing to happen instead of a negative and me getting all upset and down in the dumps again as this does me no good at all….Work isn’t looking good it could be gone in the next few days but by the end of February at the latest, there is rumour of another job in a different department….Now my thinking is if it’s the end and no offers I go and I will pack up and travel…..I  have a plan to climb Mount Kilimanjaro as in African myths this mountain is special and if you are down and low you climb to the top and your troubles stay there….This mountain will hold the key to me and my future as I believe in the myths as I love Africa…..The only problem is if  I see a herd of Elephants  while crossing the savannah I will want to spend my time  following them…..I do love Elephants such beautiful animals so loving and friendly…..To Do the mountain I will be away for sometime and I will not be working…..So I have given this a lot of thought and I will not be able to pay maintenance while not working, this has been hard for me to decided as I have always put my daughters first even though their mother stops me seeing them…..But after the way their mother has treated me and destroyed the relationship I  had with the girls I have decided to put ME first and this is such a new experience for me…But back to work and if  I get offered something in the  company where I work I will take that and save save save and Kilimanjaro will have to wait but I  will get their……Thinking back when I left nights I should have asked to move to another job in the company….but thats hindsight…..Once the African adventure is over I will come back and I will find work…..I am not fussed and I am prepared to work anywhere in the world so guess it shouldn’t be too hard and then I will resume paying the maintenance from wherever I am in the world…..

 

My list not in any order though…..

 

1. Kilimanjaro

2. Better health…..needed for no 1 and to be honest I am fed up of feeling so rough for so long….but guess that’s down to the doctor’s         now so nowt i can do.

3. See a Johnny Clegg Gig….South African musician who is awesome and I  love his songs when i am down they make me smile and remind me so much of Africa…..

4. Toughen up and put me first…..this is hard and I will struggle as I always have but others first but now feel people take advantage of me for this and walk all over me….so I  have to make this change no matter how painful this is…..I also need to be less generous with other and grow in confidence…….

5. I would like to do some charity work if money allows in South Africa with both animals and children….

6. If i stay working where I am I need to change a few things at home…..I need to get a hobby and not spend so much time staring at the computer screen, I am going to read less as sitting reading isn’t going to help number 7 on the list…..and I would love to have a better understanding of the tech stuff and not be such a luddite…..

7. To get fit (this is needed to climb Kilimanjaro)  as i am a high risk for altitude sickness, but also health wise…..eat  properly….when on nights I ate well and 3 meals a day but I have got worse since then and now I am down to a few pints of milk and the odd cuppa soup a day….I used to love my food but now it’s such a chore to eat and I don’t know why…..(could be the illness as my weight is all over the place)

8. Some new friends and a social life ….not easy as it sounds when you are as shy as i am….but going to give it a go….

9. If I work abroad I would love to work in Europe and Russia on the Barges travelling the water ways what a life that would be……..well I did spend 10 years on the Grey Funnel Lines so it would all come back to me and I would love the freedom and independence….

10. The hardest one but to try and rebuild my relationship with my daughters as I would love to see them again….but it won’t be easy with a mother like they have who is hell bent of stopping me….and the worst part is I don’t know why….she wanted the divorce and I gave her the house and my only crime was being ill and wanting to work part time……

11. I know I said 2010 was a terrible year but I will take one thing away from it and that is i have to learn from my mistakes and i mean learn and not make them again….once is ok but twice is just not acceptable…….

 

12. Request to Apple please  invent a solar powered  IPod for me when I travel and make the memory massive as I now have one 64gb touch and two classics and the first classic and tough are full…..

 

Following a conversation on twitter the other evening I have done what one of my friends suggested and bought the Lego Tower Bridge set and I am building it at the moment….I had forgotten how therapeutic Lego could be and i am loving building the set…..

Thank you for reading my blog and I would like to wish you  a very Happy New Year and please leave a comment good or bad as I would love to know what you think especially about putting me first as I am still struggling with this idea and the paying of maintenance…..Thank You….one last thing i hope this makes sense but the dyslexia has been so  bad today and i keep re reading and changing and now I am in a right state and not sure if  it makes sense……

 

Thank you to all my Twitter friends who have been great and supported me so much this year and especially the last few months……x

 

 

Monday….work calling so it was out on the bike…..

This morning with time not on my side i went out on the bike for the blip and to a totally different stretch of the River Nene and came across loads of horses….Had to feel for them as they had no hay or water and were left to try and get to the grass through the snow and ice….Not nice at all and no fresh water….well plenty in the river but not easy to get too…..Anyway here are a few snaps and on the plus side the thaw had started…….

 

Boxing Day walk……..

 

Walk again today but this time much longer about 10 miles in total…..only supposed to do light exercise, doctors orders, but hey….the brain said so for it but half way through the body was saying no no no….but the brain won and i completed the walk…..feeling shattered now and the poor legs are a tad tired…but i did enjoy……need to get a new pair of decent walking boots….and i need more practice especially if i am going to achieve my goal for 2011/12…….but have to stay awake its the second day of the fourth test tonight and cant miss that…..can I…….

Followed the river again and then onto the old Northampton to Peterborough Railway line and round a nature reserve and then headed back a different way…..Trouble today was the light went much earlier and it was getting dark just after three this afternoon….My favourite today is the cygnet and he looked stunning….but i would say that as i am a big fan of swans…

Here are some photos from the walk but because of the light i dont think the quality or colours are as good as yesterday……

 

 

Silent Sunday…………

My Christmas Day……….

 

Nowt planned for today and on my own, but a very good book, a phone call and my girls managed to few texts despite the ban imposed bu their mother and by mid afternoon i was feeling really ill again and it was a struggle, meanwhile it was a lovely day outside, cold but blue skys and sun…..So i decided to get the camera and go do my blipfoto (i upload a daily or try to daily a photo to this site http://www.blipfoto.com/interestingday ) so i was only going for a quick walk but once i was out i noticed the sky could see the setting sun and the amazing colours….I headed for the river and went for a walk…I will let the photos write the words…..

I have now decided i will do the same tomorrow so please please let the sun shine and the sky be blue but tomorrow i will go a lot further….we as far as i can considering i have not eaten for nearly three weeks but i am determined and can be stubborn so i will go further and take the bigger lens so i can photograph the wildlife too…..i was surprised at the number of ducks etc in the water and the number of rabbits…..

One last thing i would like to wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas and thank you for reading my blogs……..

 

 

The night i meet Grace Petrie….

Last Thursday evening I went to the Troxy in Limehouse to see Billy Bragg…..not seem him in years so looking forward to it…venue was awesome stood right at the front…thinking just the support to get through and then the man himself…
Well I was in for a pleasant surprise when it came to the support. She was called Grace Petrie and her music is amazing. Guess you would call her a female Billy Bragg, very folk orientated, her voice is from heaven and she is a very talented young lady with a combination of love songs and political songs oh and one about her old car…she was very impressive and I loved the music. Songs include Baby Blue, The Middle of Know where, The Distance a song about her car and a very moving song aimed at Nick Clegg called Farewell to Welfare which was amazing and so true….I was so moved that I bought the CD afterwards and has been non stop on the ipod since….Going to plug her to a few a few music lovers I know and why don’t you have a listen to her on myspace well worth it and I promise you will not be disappointed.
Now it was time for the man himself, not much to say apart from he was awesome, he played the usual songs the crowd joined in and he chatted about his political views…All in all a great night and a fantastic gig…..

Silent Sunday…………..

http://www.mochabeaniemummy.com/silent-sunday/

I am not a well Man………

Rough couple of days….well a week really, not been eating sleeping, terrible bouts of being sick, feeling seasick at the time and killer headaches, for over a week now, yes I am knackered, surges of adrenalin through my body and boy does that cause problems, heart races away I get in a panic (cat is getting stressed as i cant settle in bed and she is in a flap as she needs her 23 and a half hours sleep a night) and terrible mood swings and I have been getting angry and that is something that is both scary and new to me as I explained to the doctor I don’t do anger….Life is far to short for that….The doctor also asked if there had been unexplained weight loss and I said yes but don’t think we need to worry about that…. I need to loose weight so long may that continue….
I saw my GP yesterday and she took one look and some test results and said you are going to be admitted to hospital and discharged in the same day with a rain forest of test papers to get done, then last evening while trying to order some flowers on line I had a surge of adrenalin that was so painful I called NHS Direct who sent an ambulance and back to hospital again I went…Now working on a tunnelling project so I can get out tomorrow as I want to go to the Troxy to see Billy Bragg and I do not want to miss that…..
Yesterday I called a friend and was rude and angry/cross/grumpy but I know nothing of the call as I don’t remember and hence the flowers which me being a Luddite was struggling to order on line and had to plead with the paramedic to help be before they rushed me off…(they were to say sorry)….Then this afternoon my boss got wind of where I was and called to see what was up how I was etc….Great chat he had me in stitches and we had a good laugh and I told him about yesterday….his reply was show the friend the doctors note and if said friend is a true friend you will be forgiven, as friend would understand that it was not me talking and i was affected greatly by what is wrong with me, if your not forgiven then that friend wasn’t a true friend. He also added the friend would see what had happened and how difficult things are for you at the moment and understand…..I just hope he is right……

An incident on the Train……

Last nights journey home on the train went as usual until about 5 miles south of Home and the brakes went on….Just assumed it was a red signal until an announcement was made to say that a person was on the tracks and we had to move at slow speed from signal to signal….
This took an age but I had a good book so was not worried until the train juddered to a halt and there was a horrible thud….Sat at the front of the train this felt worse, worst fears were soon confirmed and we had hit someone….
The reason for writing about this is about the people on the train moaning and making comments about go full speed and hit them It won’t matter….well I would like to mention that the person we hit was probably in such a low place they were not sure what they were doing also feeling very low and probably thinking they had no one to turn to for help or maybe just a hug and some reassurance…. People just remember this is Christmas and while you have family and friends to see and spend time with there are thousands of people who have know one and for whom Christmas is filled with fear dread and loneliness.
The second reason is back on 23rd October 2008 in exactly the same spot I was that person, I got as far as the track saw a train then the silly thing is I remembered I had not finished my book and had a craving for a malt with cheese and biscuits so I turned round and went off to finish the book, and have never looked back since. I did seek counselling but this failed as it went nowhere and I soon learnt I was the only one who could help me and with the help of my i pod and music I survive….
So next time your train is delayed because of an incident like this please think about the poor person and don’t make comments that are well below the belt in my opinion.

Blokes in the office

Usual afternoon in the office usual jibes name calling you must be gay etc…..but all goes over my head now…oh and can you do my late shift Monday I want to watch football….No I bloody can’t was my reply especially as you could not help me today when I needed to go and watch my daughter in her first collage dance show this evening and I can’t as I am stuck here til ten tonight…..
Anyway not in the mood for work topped of with it being quiet I get my book out and my ipod for a listen….i am reading the Marcus Trescothick’s autobiography, fantastic book very well written about a very private subject and I am enjoying the read and find the book helpful. Maybe I will try a book review when I have finished it. But one of my so called colleagues looked pointed and said why are you reading that !?@$ for and didn’t he go “fruit loopy” ( very unfair comment for someone who has had to deal with being homesick while away from home – having been there I understand what he has gone through) and that was the final straw I just don’t understand blokes in the office. What sort of comment is that to make and why make it especially when you have not read the book……